You are my first thought in the morning
And yours is the last face I see at night
You do not haunt my dreams,
Though I wish and sometimes pray you would
Memories of you flood my day,
Whether at work, sitting in a bus or whiling my time away
Ours was a friendship, nothing more, I tell myself
But that is a lie …
It was a friendship, true, but peppered with moments of madness
Sitting in my favourite bar, talking about worldly things and absolute nonsense
All in the same breath
You whispering dirty sweet-nothings in my ear
Drinking Champagne, holding hands under the table
Devouring each other without ever possessing the other’s body…
Though I wish now that we had,
All those times you were so willing and I was just so foolish
So scared to venture into an unknown
So stupid to believe in fidelity and morals
Which someone else so easily had dumped by my bedside
I remember you, the man you were to me…
Bigger than life, big-hearted
My big fella, as you would always say
Funny, humble, with eyes only for me
Even when deep in a madding crowd of young, beautiful people
It has been but three years since you died
But feels like eternity
It must be madness
To want, really want, no other than what is now just a memory?
It must be madness to beg you before I fall into a fitful sleep each night
That should we meet in a next life, remember the woman
Who, in your own words…
Was oh-so-fuckable in her fifties
And seriously sexy when she turned sixty
I hope you do because …
I will know you. I will want you. I will have you. My madness.
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